Adventures in Jaaaaaag fixes

"Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo" (akioohtori)
11/21/2019 at 16:52 • Filed to: The Hot Mess

What seems like years ago but was actually less than two weeks ago I bought an S-Type R with problems and set about fixing them. I set an arbitrary deadline of this Friday to get it fit to drive 800 miles to my Dad’s place and back.

Why, you are right to ask? Because I like deadlines, apparently.

Do I ever meet them? !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

First up was a pretty unnecessary job: fixing the CD changer!

Yes. CD. Changer.

Funny enough I’ve had good luck with the one in the Land Rover as a “I don’t feel like dicking with my phone” music option. As it turns out 6 CDs is enough for driving a couple times a week and I have the FM transmitter for longer trips.

ANYWAY, the CD changer wouldn’t play and the carrier wouldn’t eject. Annoyingly, removing the changer requires removing the amp, nav, and changer as a unit. Actually not that big a deal as it is only 4 bolts to remove all three, then another eight torx to remove the changer. After stripping out the outer shell of the changer the can be manually moved to force the cartrage to return to neutral and then eject.

After that everything got a healthy dose of silicone, reassembled, and reinstalled. (Sidenote: The Jag uses fiber optics for communications and that is neato.)

And it worked!

Unfortunately I appear to have been a bit overzealous with the lube as it started skipping and now, once again, won’t play. It will eject, so at least there is that...

Next up was tacking the rear suspension. The rear tie rods and anti-roll bar links were both shot. Not hard jobs, just time consuming.

After breaking a breaker bar trying to get the lug nuts off (foreshadowing)...

I finally got everything in.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

While I was doing this the song “Hot Mess” by Cobra Starship came on. I... I think that is the new name, or at least tag, for this vehicle. It works on so many levels!

After that it was off to Costco for new tires, which didn’t go well. On the way there it became apparent I got the eyeballing of the rear tie rods wrong. Have you ever had traction control kick in while you’re turning at 70 MPH?

Not. Pleasant.

I took surface streets the rest of the way.

The first time I went they couldn’t get the front wheels off due to a rounded lug nut.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

I fixed that and went back, but this time they discovered that the front tires were both run-flats, which apparently makes them a pain to work with. Also one of the other lug nuts failed.

Also apparently all four tires on that car were different makes. :facepalm:

ANYWAY, a significant portion of my life spent in Costco, I had four new tires.

BUT WAIT! On the way home it seemed like the headlights were only illuminating directly in front of the car.

Crap. Add it to the list.

The next morning I headed to my favorite alignment shop where, against all odds, they consented to do the alignment. Seriously more often than not they turned me away to go make repairs before they’d do the alignment. $75 later the Jag is transformed! While some of the squirrelyness is still there, the shop guy seems to think I need new rear struts and maybe lower control arms, for the most part it tracks beautifully and drives great.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Alright... that out of the way, time to head to the junk yard! I need a front wheel to use as a spare and a headlight level sensor. The local LKQ doesn’t have any S-Types, but they do have three X-Types, all with HID headlights. It would follow that they’d use the same sensors and one of them might have 18" wheels.

They do not and they did not.

Which is to say I couldn’t find the level sensors, though further research shows I was looking in the wrong spot. Looking in to it, something I should have done before I left, the sensors DO look different but I think it is just the arms, which should be able to be swapped over. More research required.

I did see an intact Magic Dorito, which would be a fun thing to have around, but I’m not certain I’m up for the pull.

According to the windshield notes it would start then die, so at least there was some life left in it.... Poor thing...

Out of luck there, I decided to call it. While I probably could get the serpentine and supercharger belts swapped over, the next item on my list, and I might be able to modify the headlights to be good enough... I’d rather do laundry, pet the dogs, and clean the house.

It has been fun seeing what I can do in a short amount of time, but also time to take the Volvo...

DISCUSSION (23)

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 17:06

Jaguar and fibre optics seem like a bad combo.

Looks like you’re having fun with the project!

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 17:06

Stories like this make me appreciate my Honda Fit that much more.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > gin-san - shitpost specialist
11/21/2019 at 17:09

I mean... at least the fiber can’t corrode.... right?

AkursedX > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 17:17

Thanks for these posts. I don't know if they are really deterring me from buying an s-typeR for myself. Im sure most people would see these posts and make a mental note to never go near one of these cars. So far, I have used them as a basic guide for the types of things I will be dealing with should I actually buy one.

someassemblyrequired > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 17:18

No Lucas smoke problems at least

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 17:24

Nice progress. Are you five digits of dollars into the car yet?

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > AkursedX
11/21/2019 at 17:26

I hope no one has that takeaway. To me this is all normal used car stuff haha. I haven't even started complaining about $200 sensors and $300 shocks...

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly
11/21/2019 at 17:27

If you repaint it British Racing Green , it might develop some quirks like these. But you have VTEC and he doesn’t, so there’s that.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
11/21/2019 at 17:38

Counting tires? Yes.

Not counting tires? Not yet.

AkursedX > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 17:47

Yeah, those rear shocks are expensive no matter where you look.

I saw you post on the S-Type group on facebook looking for parts and I do wish there was a better stateside option than Rock Auto.

Have you ever found that upper coolant hose?

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 17:48

If you’ve ever watched Absolutely Fabulous, you’d name your car Patsy Stone. Complete train wretch of a person in a very British manner.

I’m loving reading this, makes me really miss my X-Type.

Land_Yacht_225 > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 18:07

As far as I am concerned, that headlight leveling system is broken from the factory. I’ve put in I don’t know how many sensors, and they’ll still light up the trees. I've never had it described to be as an axle level sensor though...I'm not sure if that's the cause or if you also have an issue with a front sensor for your CATS system.

My mechanic finally did something with a manual lateral adjustment screw and just made it so they can’t raise any higher than a certain level...which is still too high.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 18:20

It can’t corrode. The worst that would happen is it gets brittle with age, cracks and the high powered light shoots out and burns an eye while you’re working on something else.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
11/21/2019 at 18:34

What you call quirks some call character .

Potato. Potahto.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > Land_Yacht_225
11/21/2019 at 20:12

Yeah... mysteries abound! I haven’t had any luck talking to the CATS system. Seems like it doesn’t show up on the ECU list. Is it possible the car has been converted to convention suspension? How would I know?

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > AkursedX
11/21/2019 at 20:15

Yeah looks like Welsh Enterprises sells the upper hose assembly , but it doesn’t come cheap. It includes stuff like the thermostat housing and temperature sensor, which doesn’t make a ton of sense to me.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
11/21/2019 at 20:26

Haha I dunno. The S-Type seems a lot more functional than Patsy. Maybe an Edina. Bit large, temperamental , and loves to spend money but mostly functional and generally wants to do right but... sometimes can’t overcome its nature.

Land_Yacht_225 > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 21:44

I would think the dead giveaway was if there were no longer any wires coming off of the struts for the computer controlled dampers, and the absence of the brain in the trunk

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > Land_Yacht_225
11/21/2019 at 21:52

Seems reasonable. I’ll take a look... eventually.

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/21/2019 at 23:18

It would follow that they’d use the same sensors

I have two magic words for you: Lincoln LS. T ha t and the early-00s T-Bird share a platform with the XJ and S Type. I found that a n astonishing number of minor bits are common between the LS and the XJ: I’ll bet they’re common with the S Type too . T he Linco l n b it is always much cheaper, and si nc e they sold a lot more Lincolns than Jags in the US (depressingly) , probably more common in junky ards.

Though in this specific instance, if it’s CATS-related, Linco l n won’t save you.

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
11/21/2019 at 23:22

Not having VTEC is a feature not a bug in R Types. The non-supe rcharged cars DO have VVT: it’s one of the comm on failure modes .

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen
11/21/2019 at 23:33

Good to know! Also explains why the CATS rear shocks are about 5x the price of “normal” ones. Looks like the body of the sensor for the X-Type is the same, so I’m guessing I could just swap over the arm and be good to go. If the Lincoln has the same sensors that might work with them too...

pjhusa > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
11/22/2019 at 00:23

Same thing happened to my ML CD changer (my fault for putting in a ripped CD)... I should try taking it apart but unfortunately I’m the opposite of adept with anything tool-related :(